Here Kid, Want a Puff? 10 Truths to Life as a SAHM

Nap time results in choir's singing and rays of sunshine just because you can sit and eat a bowl of ice cream in peace. Or better yet, just so you can sit and eat lunch in peace. Oh yea, I totally forgot about lunch today...
Pajamas are the newest fashion fad, especially the ones that don't match. Yet, you feel obliged to change before your husband comes home. I said pajamas were fashionable, not laziness.
The money your husband finally gives you to go do some spring clothes shopping for yourself results in a whole new wardrobe for your child. My kid must look cute.
The 90's music channel is by far the best program on television. You dance around your living room like you're at a club while belting out "No Diggity," all while your baby looks at you like you're nuts. If ya can't go shake whatcha mama gave ya at the club, may as well have a dance party at home. Baby Twerking 101 begins now...
Puffs are considered these secret little quiet pills for when you're cooking dinner. Here kid, want a puff?
You hope each and every day for no surprise visitors before or during nap time. Prior to nap time your house is a mess, you may or may not have gotten dressed and you probably don't have a bra on. Speaking of...
Your ability to whip up a healthy lunch for baby is so awesome that even Martha Stewart would be impressed. Yet the thought of cooking dinner makes you want to bang your head against a wall. Eventually, banana apple puree with a touch of blueberry will be on the menu for everyone; with puffs for dessert of course.
A trip to the grocery store counts as getting out of the house for awhile. Yet you more than likely come home from the store more stressed and frazzled than when you were trying to just get out of the damn house.
Your pants have fallen down at least once due to a toddler clinging to them as you walk around the kitchen cooking. Here kid, want a puff? Again.
There's a really good chance you'll catch yourself talking to yourself. Blame it on the lack of adult conversations if you must. You need some excuse for that crazy crap. Here mom, want a puff?