I tuck you so sweetly into your bed. You're clutching your noopie and snuggled under the softest blanket ever. The sounds of white noise fill the room and sheep dancing on your ceiling as you listen to your lullaby music and drift off.
Even I'm a little jealous at the complete and total sleep ambiance you have going on. Can someone tuck me in that way after a warm glass of milk?
I close your door and sing praises that finally, I have some peace and quiet. Finally I have that moment to catch up on TV shows, do a little work, eat all of the hidden things that I don't want you to see and in other words, just chill.
As soon as I get comfortable though, as soon as I get confident that you're totally zonked out in there, I begin to hear the thumps and bumps that I am far too familiar with.
The noopie gets thrown to the floor. The stuffed bunny and puppy get chunked across the room. The blanket may or may not survive the throwing spree and sometimes, you even lose your pants in the process. The cries for "Mommyyyyyyyy" begin and, sigh, it's like the night before all over again.
I drag myself off of the sofa and away from scrolling my newsfeeds (let's face it, I wasn't being productive) and I pout as I walk to your room knowing exactly what to expect.
Sometimes there are giggles.
Sometimes you run to the corner of the crib to "hide."
And most of the time, you scream "Boppy" as you call out for your bottle.
Other times you just cry excessively and act like nothing I do will work.
So then I say,
JUST GO TO FREAKING SLEEP KID.
Please, I beg thee. What will it take? More milk? More cuddles? More rocking? Me putting the shit back in your crib that you keep throwing out? I CAN ONLY DO THIS SO MANY TIMES.
Every night on repeat.
Just go to freaking sleep kid.
Thank you SLEEP REGRESSION number 131.
But then, as I rock you and steal my snuggles and kisses, I realize how precious these moments are. One day I will wish you were still tucked away in a little nursery down the hall with a fuzzy blanket and plush puppy laying next to you. One day my heart will whimper for the endless rocking where I adored the curves of your nose and the soft, pouty lips you had. One day I will miss breathing in that ever so sweet baby smell.
So as I beg you to sleep, I know that deep down inside there is NO place I'd rather be.
But for real, you can go to sleep now kid.